Poplicks.com: WEEKEND WRAP-UP: IT'S DARK AND THIS CAR IS HOT EDITION

Due to racial stereotypes, DMX is still considered a better driver than Jet Li.

Why does DMX still have a driver's license? DMX was arrested for crashing into a cop and causing a three-car collision on a major New York City expressway. This is, of course, only a few months after DMX pretended to be a federal agent, tried to steal a car, and then crashed a different car through the JFK Airport parking lot gate. Apparently, y'all done made him lose his mind (up in there, up in there).

You're caller #9! You win a public announcement of your sexual orientation! Roberto Hernandez is justifiably suing the "Raul Brindis and Pepito Show," a Spanish-language morning radio program for which he sells ads, for tricking him into thinking he was having a private conversation on his cell phone and then outing him without his consent. I thought English-radio morning shows were homophobic, but apparently, on-air mockery of the LGBTIQ community is even more pervasive on Spanish-language radio and television.

The Importance of Money-Back Guarnatees: Speaking of private matters going public, Blake R. Steidler was apparently so unhappy with his penile-enlargement surgery that he mailed explosives to his plastic surgeon. Congratulations, Blake R. Steidler! Not only have you just told the world that you had penile-enlargement surgery, but now everybody knows that you are a terrorist with a temper problem! Apparently, the shorter the fuse, the short the ...

Bear-Backing News: A few months ago, the San Francisco Zoo had a contest to let the public decide what to call two new grizzly bears. But the Zoo decided to sell out and offer naming rights to the highest bidder. Which is to say, we'll probably soon see Goldenpalace.com One mating with Goldenpalace.com Two.