MTV MOVIE AWARDS RECAP
Tom Cruise forces another young girl to be his fake Scientologist girlfriend
While I am not necessarily admitting that I spent three hours of my life watching MTV tonight, here are some highlights of their movie awards:
* MTV gave Napoleon Dynamite the award for "Best Movie," which I think is a great choice, except for the fact that the film was produced by -- surprise, surprise -- MTV Films. I guess MTV can do whatever they feel like they want to ... gawwwwsh!
* MTV kissed the posterior of Tom Cruise with a "Generation" award and fellated him with a massive clip collage of all his movies. But when Katie Holmes, the object of his platonic affections, presented him with the big award, not a single person in the audience rose to their feet. That's gotta be humbling. Even Chewbacca and Clint Howard, previous MTV Movie Award lifetime winners, got standing ovations.
* During the "live" pre-taped pre-show (oxymoron alert!), guest interviewer Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan kept teasing each other about how skinny they looked. I hope that they're making fun of the tabloid articles noting their atrophied frames, and not serving as poster childs for bulimarexia or cocaine. Regardless, why would somebody who looked like this choose to emaciate themselves to look like this or this. Pretty soon, she's going to look like this. Eat up, ladies!
* Joe Crack (aka Fat Joe) was another guest interviewer on the red carpet. Given the show wasn't live, MTV edited his interviews down to about 3 minutes of airtime, of which half was of him plugging his upcoming album (probably a contract requirement) and 30 seconds was him chatting up Jessica Simpson about Proactiv acne management system! Nice.
* Speaking of Nick Lachey's future ex-wife (could the newlyweds look any less in love?), it's amazing how someone as attractive as Jessica Simpson, with the right makeup and orange spray-on tan, can look like a Stepford raccoon.
* I realize we're not supposed to take the MTV Movie Awards seriously, but, c'mon -- a 20-year tribute to the Breakfast Club? Even D-list stars Emilio Estevez, a no-show, and Judd Nelson, who left early, recognized that this was an asinine idea. (Now if Emilio and former wife Paula Abdul reunited, that would make great television.) By the way, thanks, Yellowcard, for desecrating that Simple Minds classic!
* I appreciate Ryan Gosling's calling attention to genocide in Darfur, albeit in the form of a T-shirt he wore while accepting his award for Best Kiss. His token activism, however, still doesn't wash away my bitterness over the fact that MTV wouldn't let Nine Inch Nails perform with a backdrop of an unedited picture of George W. Bush.
<< Home