Poplicks.com: AN ODE TO BOB BARKER

The face of evil ... for pets that got spayed or neutered

I am truly, truly sad that Bob Barker is leaving The Price is Right.

Bob has been hosting TPIR as long as I -- and probably you -- have been alive. For me, he has always served as the universal constant of television icons, the quintessential embodiment of cool, the silver-haired distributor of delight. Although the multiple lawsuits from various "Barker Beauties" always cast a shadow on his integrity, I can't deny the overwhelming comfort and joy he bestowed on my life.

As cheesy as it sounds, I developed a more accurate and deeper sense of America because of Bob Barker. Always gripping his outrageously thin and long microphone, he brought military people in uniform, exuberant black women, retired RV travelers, and scantily-clad vixens into my living room when I was a little boy. (Little did I realize that those four groups of people had the highest chance of getting called down to Contestants' Row.) After enough sick days and ditch days at home, he helped to solidify my developing sense that most Americans are good, fun-loving, interesting, and supportive people -- although not always the brightest. (See videos below.)

When I finally saw Bob Barker face to face in the famed CBS studio and scrutinzed how he interacted with others when the cameras weren't rolling, I concluded he was even warmer and more genuine than I imagined.

I can't bear to watch his final show, airing on Friday, because it's the equivalent of watching my life end. Sure, that sounds hyperbolic and overdramatic, but I assure you that I feel more verklempt about this milestone than my high school graduation, my successful completion of the bar exam, or my passage into puberty, which began last Friday.

Plus, this means that I'll never have a(nother) chance to win that Showcase Showdown, which really does embody the American Dream, when you think about it.

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