WHAT TIMES WE LIVE IN

haters can bite one

--O.W.

WELCOME TO MY HOME

If you haven't already, you must watch these excerpts of Welcome to My Home, a video starring, created by, written by, directed by, and produced by actress Brenda Dickson:

Dickson, star of Young and the Restless, created and sold this self-absorbed video in 1987 so people could learn how to be just as beautiful, healthy, and fashionable as her.

This amazing piece of work contains bits of advice by Brenda Dickson that are so valuable that I am considering framing some of these choice motivational quotes next to my "Hang In There" kitten poster:

• In shopping, your eyes will be drawn to the things you like.


• Snake and jeans are a great look.


• I've added a fox draped over my shoulder; it's very dramatic.


• [Biking] will be the answer to all your problems. You will stop gaining weight if you do your cardiovascular.


• Salt can make the face puffy and sugar causes wrinkles.


• Women should cut down on any of the milk products; that's how you avoid having any cellulite.

And as if the original videos were not already entertaining enough, comedian Deven Green has dubbed over parts of the original with obscene, nonsensical dialogue best repeated to Grandma during Thanksgiving dinner:

N.S.F.W.!

(Credit: Tiny Viking and DeanB)

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #122

The roof is on fire and, actually, we do need some water
as we would not like to let the mother burn

This Week's Question:

Some firefighters in San Diego have been working to protect the homes of those who have refused to evacuate.

Which of the following two options should firefighters prioritize: (1) containing the wildfires or (2) saving lives most immediately at risk, at the expense of containing the fires?

Assume that the lives being saved in option #2 are those who knew about the evacuation, had the opportunity to evacuate, and chose not to do so.

--Junichi

RANDOM CLICKS

next stop: colorado

1) It's remarkable how, in the space of two weeks, the California Golden Bears went from national championship contenders to...well...the California Golden Bears. For all the collective desire to see them go to the Rose Bowl...they did on Saturday. And lost. For the second week in a row. To an unranked team. With ASU and USC still on the schedule ahead. Well, the dream was alluring while it lasted.

2) That said, what a remarkable week for the Red Sox. I caught the very end of Game 4 with a bunch of diehard Sox fans and the mood was just glum. Then Beckett mowed down the Indians in Game 5. Then the Sox lit it up last night. And tonight they cemented their reputation as the most dangerous comeback team out there. After all, what's 1-3 to a team that came back from an 0-3 deficit to the Yankees just three years ago?

What a great game too, what with the nutty errors, bad coaching calls, and an unlikely, heroic performance from a player who's only 5' 9" but was batting like a giant. His 2-run homer was a thing of marvel, not to mention his bases-clearing double that put the game on lockdown for the rest of the evening.

3) So Indian Americans have their first governor, Bobby Jindal. On the scorecard for Asian American political progress...be careful how you mark this one. On the hand, it reflects the increasing political and social integration of South Asian Americans and in essence, of Asian America as a hold. On the flipside, it's hard to feel that excited about a Bush loyalist and unambiguous social conservative now in charge of a state still reeling from the aftermath of Katrina. In short, Jindal represents practically everything wrong about the right-of-the-right conservative movement right now. (See Vijay Prashad's dissection of Jindal and the politics of ethnicity).

It's no big secret that Asian Americans are the most likely to lean right amongst different American ethnic groups. However, most of the prominent Asian American politicians have generally gone left. It will be interesting to see how long appeals to electing politicians on the basis of ethnicity (rather than, you know, policies and ideas) will hold sway.

4) Lastly, R.I.P. to Lance Hahn, of the band J-Church. Back in the '90s (I can't believe I'm using that phrase), I heard of the group all the time, living in the Bay Area, especially since Hahn was one of the first Asian American indie rockers of any renown then. I never met Hahn but everyone in those circles always noted what a nice guy he was. Hahn was only 40.

--O.W.

FRIDAY FEEDBACK: PAUL POTTS

Apparently, beautiful voices don't require beautiful teeth

This week's Friday Feedback track is:

"Everybody Hurts (Ognuno Soffre)" by Paul Potts
from the new LP, One Chance

I thought I was too jaded to be truly moved by any talent discovered on reality television.

During the last season of American Idol, for example, winner Jordin Sparks had a spectacular voice. But I am looking forward to her new CD in the same way that I look forward to the security at TJ Maxx handcuffing me while they remove from my colon the plastic colander that I tried to sneak out the store.

However, I have to confess that when I watched the video below, I was nearly moved to tears. No lie.

Paul Potts is a cell phone salesman in the UK. He looks like he could be Britain's version of William Hung. But then he sings ...

... and I'm suddenly a few seconds from buying his new album. Keep in mind that I'm hardly an opera fan.

The divShare track I uploaded is from his debut CD. It's his cover of R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts," sung in a language that is one of the romance languages: probably Latin or Italian, or maybe Balsamic, and possibly Thousand Island.

The US version of his album also contains two Christmas tunes because apparently opera singers can't move discs here without singing about Jesus Christ Round yon Virgins, which still sounds blasphemous to me.

Anyway, what do you think? Do I need to up my meds for even suggesting that Paul Potts sings better than Pavarotti?

(Credit: Banamrs)

--Junichi

GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER? (PLEASE, MR. VICE PRESIDENT, DON'T SHOOT MY FAMILY IN THE FACE)

Years ago, he would've been the ship's captain

Five amazing stories on this fine hump-day:

• Obama and Cheney are related.

• Crack users do waaay more time in prison than people convicted of manslaughter.

• Stephen Colbert is running for president. (Video link / Column)

• Anyone who talks about climate change is a friend of the terrorists.

• You, too, can dress up as Larry Craig for Halloween.

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #121

The real heartbreak kid

This Week's Question:

This last weekend, Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married? topped the box office.

Yet again, Perry's latest film stunned pundits and industry predictions by making more money than George Clooney's Michael Clayton and Cate Blanchett's Elizabeth: The Golden Age ... combined. I'm willing to bet that most Americans who aren't black had never even heard of the film before today.

Is this a sign that Hollywood is ignoring the market power and interests of the black community? Or does Tyler Perry just have a loyal/cult following?

--Junichi

31-28

Not quite Best

It was bound to happen. I just didn't think it'd be this soon. Or to the Beavers. Especially not to the Beavers. Leave it to Cal to snatch defeat away fro the jaws of victory. True Cal fans know this is how it typically goes but I have to say: usually, in games where the Bears have to come back...they usually make it so this loss is doubly painful. It's no Big Game 1990 (real heads know the deal), but I cannot imagine people in Berkeley are feeling real good tonight.

AND YO: HOW CRAZY IS THIS SEASON, RIGHT NOW?

The Pac-10 just got a whole lot more interesting. The Rose Bowl is really up for anyone to grab. I wouldn't be surprised if Oregon came back to claim it or it could even be UCLA.

And meanwhile, Boston College is probably going to be #2. CRAZY. I won't ever, ever cosign on Ohio St. so if I have to root for someone else to make the BCS game, it's going to be B.C. Word to Doug Flutie.

The BCS computer must be on meltdown anyway.

--O.W.

FRIDAY FEEDBACK: THE GO! TEAM

Generic cheerleader uniforms are so rock 'n roll

This week's Friday Feedback track is:

"Bull in the Heather" by The Go! Team
from the import CD single Doing It Right

I've always loved the idea of the Go! Team -- multiple drummers, a pastiche of Saturday morning cartoon songs, the spirit of Japanese cheerleaders, and some hip hop beats on meth.

Yet, I rarely pull their discs from my bookcase of alphabetized CDs. Sure, it doesn't help that their two CDs are right next to every Go-Go's album ever made.

Alas, this is the first Go! Team song that keeps me coming back for multiple spins. "Bull in the Heather" is a faithful cover of Sonic Youth's noise jam, except that it has a more voracious orgy of xylophones and it leaves the counting to the Japanese cheerleaders.

Are you digging this? Or do the sounds of screeching car engines, guitar feedback, and cartoon sound effects make you hunt for Vacation, Beauty and the Beat, and God Bless The Go-Go's instead?

--Junichi

AT&T & VERIZON ARE PUPPY-KILLING BABY MOLESTERS

This man is now forced to use Sprint

Today's LA Times has an interesting article about how AT&T's and Verizon's service agreements say that your contract can be terminated or your access to the Interweb can be cut off if the company thinks you are harming its "name or reputation."

I would normally dismiss this as harmless fine print that no company would enforce ... except that Verizon recently cut off Naral, a pro-choice group, from sending text messages. (They recently reversed course after a public outcry.)

This story highlights the danger, in my opinion, of having so many avenues of speech in the hands of a few corporations that are beyond the bounds of the First Amendment's reach.

I'm not suggesting that Verizon or AT&T are planning to censor everything we say, but I am absolutely sure that Verizon now offers High Speed Internet -- Fast, reliable, and just the right price. Just $14.99/mo. for LIFE with a 2-year agreement (up to 768 Kbps). Or you can get 100% fiber-optic speed straight to your home. As low as $29.99/mo. for 6 months (up to 5 Mbps).

--Junichi

TED RALL ON OUR IRAN FOREIGN POLICY

--Junichi

VIOLATING THE GUY CODE

Third in line to the throne

I am very upset at the unknown male who released the above photos of Prince Harry on his recent holiday in Namibia to the tabloids.

Look, there's a clear code by which all men have agreed to abide.

When guys get together, we take off our shirts.

We lick each other's nipples.

We give our areolas hickeys with drinking glasses.

That's what we do.

We're dudes.

But we don't tell other people -- and by other people, I mean women -- about what we do behind closed doors. We don't divulge details. And we certainly don't share photos with the world.

I feel so violated right now.

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #120

I love it when you call me Big Rerun (R.I.P.)

This Week's Question:

The producers of the Notorious B.I.G. biopic are looking to cast the role of Biggie. (Apparently, the casting call has brought out everyone from men with lazy eyes to white guys who look Eminem.)

If you had to choose from the universe of living celebrities and entertainers, who would you cast as Notorious B.I.G.?

--Junichi

CLONES

The Junior Parker LP cover is something I knew about for years but I was recently doing some research on American advertising history and came upon the Levy's campaign from the 1970s. Two of their ads featured Asians, including this one above and suddenly, I realized where Junior Parker got his concept from. Funny stuff and anti-essentialist to boot (even if the Parker cover relies on some rather stereotypical assumptions). Mazel tov!

--O.W.

ANY GIVEN SATURDAY

thanks stanfurd!

I've always felt that as storied as the rivalry between Cal and Stanford is, at the end of the day, both teams really loathe USC as well. So in the case where an unranked Stanford team, which has been getting blown out this season, can walk into the Coliseum and beat USC...well, that's just a good day to celebrate to victories of your enemies since, in this case, the enemy of your enemy is your friend. At least, until the Big Game.

Imagining the stunned stupor that Trojans fans are experiencing right now is even better than reading how the Yankees lost because of bugs. And just to add some icing...UCLA lost to a previously 0-5 Notre Dame team.

Of course, all this also means that Cal will be #2 by tomorrow (and had Florida pulled it out, Cal would have been #1 by default...CRAZY). And let's just talk about that. I've lived through some really phenomenal Cal seasons, including 1990 and especially 1991, not to mention witnessing last year. But never, ever would I think we'd have a legit shot at the national championship. Hell, I'd give up my daughter (not really) to see us just make the Rose Bowl for once in my lifetime. What's next? The Boston Red Sox winning a World Series? (Oh wait, that happened already...guess Cal does have a shot. Pity the Cubs though).

Now let's just hope Cal isn't next for the upset train.

--O.W.

FRIDAY FEEDBACK: WING

On a Wing and a prayer

This week's Friday Feedback track is:

"Back in Black" by Wing
from the EP WING sings AC/DC

The executive board at Poplicks is ashamed to admit that we consistently neglect Asian New Zealander soprano vocalists, especially ones who could pass as both Oliver's and Junichi's mother. But that era is over as we spotlight Wing, a successful superstar who gained her audience by first singing in nursing homes in Auckland.

Like Isaac Hayes, Macy Gray, and Janis Joplin, Wing Han Tsang has an undeniably singular voice, instantly recognizable to her fans. Her offbeat phrasing and unpredictable vibrato recalls James Brown, Aretha Franklin, and other vocalists who changed the history of music.

On this song, she adopts keyboard minimalism and a Beck-like retro Casio percussion feel to put her own spin on this classic AC/DC anthem. Pay attention at the 3:30 mark as she repeatedly riffs on "Yeaaah!" over a keytar solo. Who knew anyone could out-rock Brian Johnson?

Sadly, I'm still on suicide watch because I missed her American debut at Cafe DuNord in San Francisco back in August 2007.

But on the bright side, you can download this song in iTunes.

Leave your Wing praise in the comments.

--Junichi

BUSH DON'T LUV DA KIDZ

Bush baby = dead baby

So President Bush vetoed SCHIP and vomited on a legacy-ensuring opportunity to create the first generation of American children who have the same access to health care as rich children, at a small fraction of the annual cost of our current War on Iraq.

Nuts. I realize his veto wasn't a surprise, but it's still shocking to me.

Is he that hellbent on handing the next election to the Democrats?

W's reasoning forced me to revisit this clip from the Colbert Report last week:

Yet again, I am left to ponder if there are any material differences between Colbert's hilarious fake batsh!t neo-conservative philosophy and the President's actual, not-so-hilarious, batsh!t neo-conservative philosophy.

*

For those who know how to play Eff Marry Kill, here's a new game I invented for this post:

Teach Babysit Adopt Restrain.

Who would you choose to educate your children?
Who would you hire to babysit?
Who would you ask to adopt your kids if you die?
And who would you file a restraining order against to keep away from your children?

Here are your choices: (1) George W. Bush; (2) O.J. Simpson; (3) Britney Spears; (4) Michael Jackson.

Discuss.

--Junichi

INJUSTICE ON A STICK

On your mark, get set, go, let me go let me shoop to the next dog in the fried corn suit

I realize that there are countless injustices I could be discussing in this space.

There's Blackwater. Burma. Britney.

And those are just the B's.

But for now, I feel compelled to write about the following international outcry waiting to happen:

---

The Iowa State Fair Board is thinking to eliminate the erotic corn dog-eating contest from the Iowa State Fair.

---

WTF, Iowa State Fair Board? How dare you! Of all the people to oppress, why pick on corndogaphiles -- the most helpless, innocuous, kittenish species of humans alive today?

Maybe you should rename your committee the Iowa State Unfair Board. (Awww, snap! Boo-yow!)

But seriously, you need to consider the fact that nobody would visit Iowa if there's no competitive corn dog erotica at the state fair. Moreover, what are the Hawkeye State locals to do with all that mayonnaise they already bought at Sam's Club?

Perhaps you just don't want to give John Kerry an opportunity to launch his secret 2008 presidential campaign with condiment-laced pizazz?

Regardless, don't obliterate the one fun thing to do in Iowa. Please. Otherwise, no erotic corn dog eating contest, no peace!


P.S. For those behind on their corn dog news, ketchup, man.

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #119

$100,000 richer

This Week's Question:

Wall Street trader Greg Calvino swore to his then-girlfriend, Elisa Kwon, that he would not "use drugs, stay out late, frequent strippers or prostitutes." He further promised to her that if he broke that vow, she could cash a $100,000 check he wrote in her name.

Calvino allegedly broke the vow one night with his fellow stock traders by gawking at strippers and snorting blow. Kwon cashed the check. Now, Calvino is suing to get his money back.

If you were the judge responsible for settling this dispute, what would you tell Mr. Calvino?

--Junichi