NEWS FLASH: BERKELEY IS THE HYBRID CAPITAL OF AMERICA
Surprisingly, this Prius is not owned by a poor Republican in Bakersfield.
According to a new study by the UCLA Institute of the Environment, there is a strong correlation between cities with strong pro-environmental voting records and ownership of hybrid vehicles. Also, the study reveals that if a person voted for a Green Party candidate, the more likely that he or she owns a hybrid.
Finally, we have a breakthrough to begin to understand why Hybrid ownership in Berkeley is more than seven times higher than that of California's statewide average. I hope I live to see this mystery solved.
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In other academic research news, I am looking for someone to fund several studies of mine that seek to prove the high correlation between the following:
| Possible Positive Correlation Between Two Phenomena | |
|---|---|
| The college football team that a person supports | The fact that the person attended that college |
| Number of local shops that sell boba drinks | Percentage of local population that is of Asian ancestry |
| Amount of ammunition purchased | Number of guns owned |
| Number of times a person has attended a NASCAR event | Number of times a person has avoided a gay pride parade |
| Percentage of music collection that involves the Counting Crows | Likelihood of being a douchebag |
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